just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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