I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
