i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I believe in your delicious
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
