she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
