she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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