you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
