Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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