I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
