the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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