Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
