did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
