I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
