I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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