whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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