Are we in a gay sports bar?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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