sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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