he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
