How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
