just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
