The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
