We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's blow job season.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
