Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
