12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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