rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
