I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
