This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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