hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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