if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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