You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
