Four minutes until I can fart!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
