Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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