So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
