Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
