I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
