I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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