this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
