Got a toothbrush?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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