i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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