I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
