I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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