So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
