Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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