dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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