Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
