Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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