New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
