The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize