If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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