Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pants are for mortals
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
