Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize