I'm going to jail i love you
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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