Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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