1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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