kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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