i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
