I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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