Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
