Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
