Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
