One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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