It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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