i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
