so explain again why im purple
no
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Farmville is her only friend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
