I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
