i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Randomize