I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
