Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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